IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and insterets whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #insterets
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A number of
people
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 believe that asking
people
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 about their personal
information
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 like their hobbies, interest and status is necessary for employers when
people
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 apply for jobs. Others,
however
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, think that
this
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data
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 is not relevant and useful.
Although
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 for
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 a new job without personal
information
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 is possible, I consider that individuals can create their own comfortable working space, if they apply their CV with their personal
information
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.
On the other hand
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, requiring someone's personal
data
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 by the
company
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 is not allowed by legal, when
people
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 give requests for
working
Add the preposition
forworking
show examples
 their
company
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. One of the disadvantages is that the
company
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's headers may share their staff's personal
information
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 to deal with other companies, which means other groups may use their
information
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 for customer's interest or other research without permission.
For instance
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, small businesses tend to buy the public's personal statistics to use their
data
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 in making advertisements and selling their products.
However
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, the possibility of
this
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 kind of illegal thing occurring is much less than we expected. One benefit of giving them
information
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 about their hobby and interest help them to work with same-minded
people
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. It means that the employees of that community can work full of motivation and get comfy and satisfying feelings
while
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 they are working, and it leads to an increase in great numbers of profits for the
company
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.
For example
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, in recent years, the majority of companies are likely to provide their staff with their consumptions,
such
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 as buying tennis tables for them to break their work for a
while
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.
This
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 is because the
information
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 from CVs helps a lot to the headers of the
company
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 to make a comfortable environment for their employees.
To conclude
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, some
individuals'
Change noun form
individuals
show examples
 perspectives are agreed with giving private
information
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 to employers is not helpful and relevant but others disagree about
this
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 statement.
Although
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 the first statement may lead to crime related to personal
data
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, I believe that the drawbacks do not outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by gnandin25 on

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