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Band 5

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities .Others , however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required .Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

#people #health #sport #facilities #effect #measures
In today’s society , it is often argued that the best method to enhance public
health
 is by increasing the number of
sports
 facilities .
However
 , many
people
 believe that
this
 would have little impact on public
health
 and think that other measures should be required .
This
 essay will analyse two perspectives and give my opinion . On the one hand , it is obvious that the most effective way to improve public
health
 is by increasing
many
Correct article usage
the many
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 as the government can afford .
This
 is because nowadays ,
people
 are living in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 era in which technology and artificial intelligence are constantly developing so citizens think that their
health
 can be protected only with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced medicine and state-of-the-art technology .
As a result
, more and more
people
 are underestimating the importance of
excersing
Correct your spelling
exercising
exceeding
 on a daily basis which can give rise to the development of many diseases
such
 as obesity ,cardiovascular and heart disease .Undoubtedly, they can easily catch a cold or even carry a
health
 risk
as a result
 of not spending enough time working out .Needless to say , it is urgent that governments should allocate
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 for the construction of many
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
sports
 gyms and spread the message that individuals should exercise
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 by going to these places because of the value it brings to
people
such
 as enhancing one’s immune system so that they can stay healthier day by day .
On the other hand
 , it is
also
 true that if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 just only give priority
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spending money on building up many
sports
 material , it could have a marginal influence on public
health
 .One justification for
this
 issue is that in
this
 modern age,
people
 can not have enough time to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their to-do list let alone
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to the gyms to stretch out because of the hectic pace of life and heavy workloads.
This
 has prevented
people
 from spending their time on many activities which are beneficial to their
health
 .
Moreover
 , in
this
 day and age,
people
 can easily
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise at their home because they have many essential gymnastic devices to work out in their home , so there is no need for increasing the number of
sports
 facilities.The authority should adopt other measures as well with a view to developing citizens’
health
. In conclusion , I strongly believe that despite doing
sports
 can help individuals to enhance their
health
 because of the advantages it brings to them , only taking
sports
 is not enough ,
Add an article
the
show examples
government should introduce other measures which can meet the demand of the community and can adapt flexibly to the changes of society in order to improve the public well-being in the long run.
Submitted by bobong120906 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • chronic diseases
  • preventative care
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • health initiatives
  • health education campaigns
  • social interaction
  • mental wellbeing
  • motivation
  • accessible venues
  • active lifestyle
  • quality healthcare
  • community hubs
  • multipronged approach
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