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Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts below show the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts compare five categories of
household
Use synonyms
 expenditure in the
UK
Use synonyms
 and New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 in the years 1980 and 2008. It is noticeable that the proportion of spending on food and drink fell in
both
Use synonyms
 countries over the
28- year
Correct your spelling
28-year
 period,
while
Linking Words
 spending on utility bills rose.
Also
Linking Words
,
UK
Use synonyms
 residents spent a significantly larger percentage of their
household
Use synonyms
 budgets on leisure than their New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 counterparts. In 1980, 29% of
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average New
Zealand
Use synonyms
household
Use synonyms
 budget went on food and drink,
while
Linking Words
 the equivalent figure for a
UK
Use synonyms
 home was 23%. By 2008, expenditure on food and drink had fallen by 4% in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
, and by a full 10% in the
UK
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 countries saw an increase in expenditure on utility bills for the average home, from 27% to 31% in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 and from 26% to 28% in the
UK
Use synonyms
. Leisure activities accounted for the highest proportion of
UK
Use synonyms
household
Use synonyms
 spending in
both
Use synonyms
 years, but only the third highest proportion in New
Zealand
Use synonyms
. In fact, in 2008, New Zealanders spent only half as much in relative terms on recreation (17%) as
UK
Use synonyms
 residents (34%). In
both
Use synonyms
 countries, transport costs and other costs took roughly 15% and 10% of
household
Use synonyms
 budgets respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words household, uk, zealand, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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