Some parents believe that watching TV and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by book reading. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #tv #computer #games #book

Many people who have

children

feel that watching

and playing

computer

games

must be prohibited for their

children

while

encouraging them to read a lot of books.

This

essays

Fix the agreement mistake

essay

show examples

disagrees with

this

statement

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and will try to explain more about the reason. Nowadays,

children

activities

are not only limited to their school, but most of them

also

participate in many

activities

outside school, like swimming lessons,

sports

Correct word choice

and sports

show examples

, so their days are always fully booked.

Those action

Change the determiner

That action

Those actions

show examples

could

also

lead the

children

to have some stress, to prevent that, the parent should lead their

kids

to relieve that stress. Providing some positive and not expensive leisure

activities

are some choices that can be made by parents. So letting the

kids

watch

and play

computer

games

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

several times will not give

kids

bad influence if parents

also

make some rules about it.

For example

, only playing

games

on the weekend or only watching

after studying.

Moreover

, watching

and playing video

games

does not always give a bad influence on

kids

For example

, technology nowadays is already advanced, so playing

computer

games

also

gives new knowledge about technology.

While

watching

, the

kids

can

also

have informed about what is going on in the world, so it

also

gives some new insight

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

kids

. Of

course

Add a comma

,course

show examples

reading, is

also

a positive activity

that is

good for

kids

, but other

activities

that included technology cannot be prohibited. In conclusion,

children

can have leisure

activities

like watching

or playing

computer

games

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but must be under surveillance by their parents.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Feb 08 2023

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some parents believe that watching TV and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by book reading. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that the government should invest more in public transportation to reduce traffic congestion. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In whats has technology affected the types of relationships people make, has this become a positive or negative development ?

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupils, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?