IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 has been a topic of debate for many
years
Use synonyms
, with some arguing that a set reclusion
age
Use synonyms
 of 65
years
Use synonyms
 is unfair and that certain
workers
Use synonyms
 deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier
age
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view and believe that there are specific types of teams who should benefit from the early pullout. One of the most significant reasons,
firstly
Linking Words
, to support early
retirement
Use synonyms
 for some
workers
Use synonyms
 is because of the physical demands of their job.
For instance
Linking Words
, manual labourers and construction
workers
Use synonyms
 often engage in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physically strenuous job that takes a toll on their bodies. After many
years
Use synonyms
 of hard labour, it is only fair that these
workers
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to retire earlier, so they can enjoy the fruits of their labour and take care of their health. Another group of staff who should benefit from early
retirement
Use synonyms
 are those who have dedicated their lives to public service. Police officers, firefighters, and military personnel are some examples of these
workers
Use synonyms
. These individuals often put themselves in harm’s way to protect others, and it is only fair that they receive early
retirement
Use synonyms
, so they can enjoy the rest of their lives without any financial worries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, early
retirement
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be granted to those who work in hazardous work environments,
such
Linking Words
 as miners, oil rig
workers
Use synonyms
, and factory
workers
Use synonyms
. These
workers
Use synonyms
 face various safety hazards and health risks that can have long-term consequences, and early
retirement
Use synonyms
 will allow them to rest and recover without financial stress. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a set
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 of 65
years
Use synonyms
 may work for some
workers
Use synonyms
, it is not fair for those who have dedicated their lives to physically strenuous, hazardous, and public service jobs. Allowing these
workers
Use synonyms
 to retire early and receive a pension will give them a chance to take care of their health and enjoy their hard-earned
retirement
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jackson.lingua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: