IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some countries ,there are many social problems involving teenagers .this is because parents spend much of their time at work not at home .Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #teenagers #parents #time #work #home
In recent years,
due to
 the increasing workload on
parents
Add a comma
,parents
show examples
 they are unable to spend some time with their
children
,
hence
, it leads
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
 social problems for
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree that
children
 are
felling
Correct your spelling
feeling
show examples
 alone and can migrate into
dangerous
Add an article
a dangerous
show examples
life
.
To begin
 with,
busy
Correct article usage
the busy
show examples
life
 of
parents
 always
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 far them from their
children
 which leads to loneliness. In starting days of
chlidhood
Correct your spelling
childhood
 always recommend
to enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoying
show examples
 and
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 of others
whuch
Correct your spelling
which
 create
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 environment for them where they can live happily and grow more but
this
 burden of work
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not give a chance to
parents
 to spend some time with them ,so, they get suffer
Change preposition
from mentally
show examples
mentally
Change the adverb
mental
show examples
 disorder. For
instane
Correct your spelling
instance
,
Tarre
Correct your spelling
Tare
 zameen par, is
Correct article usage
a bollywood
show examples
bollywood
Change the capitalization
Bollywood
show examples
 movie reveals that same story of
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
 who always
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
irritate
Change the verb form
irritated
show examples
 as he has no one who can play and talk with him. Moving
further
, 17-18 years is
peak
Add an article
the peak
show examples
 age of
life
 when
children
 have to decide regarding their future and because of not highly seasoned they can take
wrong
Add an article
a wrong
the wrong
show examples
 decision ,
thus
, it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
a big problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
big problems
a big problem
show examples
 for their
life
 and
faimly
Correct your spelling
family
 and after
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it is very difficult for them to move back. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, Abdul kasaab, was
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest terrorist and he was suffering from
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
problem
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he took
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong step
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 17 years old ,
as a result
, hanged on
rope
Add an article
a rope
show examples
. To recapitulate, teenagers always demand
Correct article usage
the guidence
show examples
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
parents
otherwise
 it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 some big issues for them .
Submitted by raiinderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social problems
  • teenagers
  • parental absence
  • work-life balance
  • parental guidance
  • peer influence
  • independence
  • community support
  • government initiatives
  • tackle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: