Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. Discuss both sides of this issue.

Although
some individuals think that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
should be allowed to gather
information
about buyers freely, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
this
practice should be prohibited to respect
customers
Change noun form
customers'
customer's
show examples
privacy.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the one hand, many citizens
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that companies should gather shoppers'
information
to know about products they usually buy to receive a
disccount
Correct your spelling
discount
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the next visit.
Firstly
, many of these businesses tend to
inquiere
Correct your spelling
inquire
people's
Change preposition
about people's
show examples
phone
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
or email
address
Fix the agreement mistake
addresses
show examples
to send
information
about discounts or any new arrivals to the store.
Secondly
, many of these individuals share sensitive
information
under the belief of getting ahead
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
customers
.
For instance
, in the United
States
Add a comma
,States
show examples
it is normal that food markets
ask
Fix the infinitive
to ask
show examples
for buyers' email to receive a
disccount
Correct your spelling
discount
on the next purchase.
However
, I believe
this
is a way of disrespecting
customers
because asking for private
information
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
thing to do.
On the other hand
, asking for
customers's
Remove the s
customers'
show examples
information
should be banned to respect people's privacy and avoid them being
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
risk.
To begin
with, many of these buyers do not realize that their private
information
is sold to others companies that many of them are scams.
Moreover
, some of them are not aware that they might get in trouble by giving away
this
sensitive
information
. To explain
further
, in the
Uinited
Correct your spelling
United
States
there are five
states
that
prohibited
Add a missing verb
are prohibited
show examples
to ask
clients'
Change preposition
for clients'
show examples
information
such
as California, Colorado, Connecticut, Utah, and
Virgina
Correct your spelling
Virginia
, all these
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
to
protec
Correct your spelling
protect
customers
' data for safety reasons. I believe,
this
is a better way of treating
customers
, and
this
allows clients to keep their private
information
safe. In conclusion,
although
many citizens support giving their private
information
to some companies to obtain some benefits,
this
should be regulated under the law for those who decided not to give away their
information
. If
this
situation is not regulated in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
states
Add an article
the states
show examples
in the world, many more people might get contacted by scammers.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized
  • targeted
  • advertising
  • improved
  • products
  • services
  • efficient
  • decision-making
  • invasion
  • privacy
  • misuse
  • security
  • risks
  • manipulation
  • discrimination
  • consent
  • control
  • regulation
  • innovation
  • balance
  • convenience
  • implementing
  • protection
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • ethical
What to do next:
Look at other essays: