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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below shows the propertion of the energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003

The charts below shows the propertion of the energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003
#propertion #energy #sources #country
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The Pie Charts illustrate the amount of using various natural resources in terms of
power
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in a particular country in two different years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the uses of various sources had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed significantly from 1985 to 2003,
whereas
Linking Words
 the dependency on
oil
Use synonyms
 was a bit replaced by others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a notable drop was observed in the sector of using nuclear
power
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century. To start with, in the middle of
80s
Correct article usage
the 80s
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, the two main
contributes
Replace the word
contributors
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in
Change preposition
to
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 the sector of energy
production
Use synonyms
 were
oil
Use synonyms
 and nuclear.
Whereas
Linking Words
oil
Use synonyms
 accumulated 52% of total
production
Use synonyms
, nuclear resources contributed 22%.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the third biggest
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 was coal with 13%
conteibution
Correct your spelling
contribution
 and natural gases and water were used
8
Change preposition
at 8
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 2003,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
significant increases were noted in the proportion of using fusile fuel like coal and gases and that year they contributed 45% together.
Also
Linking Words
, the dependency on other natural raw materials was augmented
3
Change preposition
by 3
show examples
% over 18 years.
However
Linking Words
, the only item that remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 was the
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
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power
Use synonyms
 with 4%of the sum.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
oil
Use synonyms
 was the prime source of
power
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in these years, several changes were noted in the way of manufacturing energy.
Submitted by rishi.seehra on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words power, production, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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