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Band 5.5

The charts below shows the propertion of the energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003

The charts below shows the propertion of the energy produced from different sources in a country between 1985 and 2003
#propertion #energy #sources #country
The Pie Charts illustrate the amount of using various natural resources in terms of
power
production
 in a particular country in two different years.
Overall
, the uses of various sources had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed significantly from 1985 to 2003,
whereas
 the dependency on
oil
 was a bit replaced by others.
On the other hand
, a notable drop was observed in the sector of using nuclear
power
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century. To start with, in the middle of
80s
Correct article usage
the 80s
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, the two main
contributes
Replace the word
contributors
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in
Change preposition
to
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 the sector of energy
production
 were
oil
 and nuclear.
Whereas
oil
 accumulated 52% of total
production
, nuclear resources contributed 22%.
Apart from
this
, the third biggest
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 was coal with 13%
conteibution
Correct your spelling
contribution
 and natural gases and water were used
8
Change preposition
at 8
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 respectively.
In contrast
, in 2003,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
significant increases were noted in the proportion of using fusile fuel like coal and gases and that year they contributed 45% together.
Also
, the dependency on other natural raw materials was augmented
3
Change preposition
by 3
show examples
% over 18 years.
However
, the only item that remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 was the
hydro
Correct your spelling
hydropower
show examples
power
 with 4%of the sum.
To conclude
,
although
oil
 was the prime source of
power
production
 in these years, several changes were noted in the way of manufacturing energy.
Submitted by rishi.seehra on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words power, production, oil with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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