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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
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People
Use synonyms
 have different views on whether
students
Use synonyms
 should have Physical Education (
P
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.
E
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.)
classes
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.
While
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 many think that they should focus on academic subjects, I would argue that it is indispensable to provide
P
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.
E
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.
classes
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 for them since physical health is crucial and it can
also
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 boost our academic performance. Those who believe that
P
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.
E
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.
classes
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 should be replaced point out that
school
Change the article
a school
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 is a place where
people
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 come to learn knowledge. To be more specific,
students
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 may learn about language, math, physics, history etc, which are the foundation of their future learning or careers.
People
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 can find a better job if they can get higher scores in these subjects.
P
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.
E
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.
classes
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,
however
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, are less important. Only those who are gifted or interested in sports can benefit from it.
For example
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, in the US,
students
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 are likely to be admitted by
prestigious
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the prestigious
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university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 when they
at
Add a missing verb
are at
show examples
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
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 athlete level.
However
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, I would argue that
P
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.
E
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.
classes
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 should be compulsory
classes
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. The main reason is that despite academics
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the most important part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our school life, we cannot completely ignore
students
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’ health.
P
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.
E
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. teachers can teach
students
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 some basic knowledge of different kinds of exercise, so they learn how to do training without hurting themselves.
Therefore
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,
students
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 could become healthier by exercising both
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
classes
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 or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 it after school.
Moreover
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, there is scientific evidence shows that exercising regularly can boost one’s academic performance.
As a result
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, not only those who want to be professional
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 those who want to achieve high marks in exams can benefit from
P
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.
E
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.
classes
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. In conclusion,
while
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 it is
Add an article
the truth
a truth
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truth
Replace the word
true
show examples
 that
people
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 attend schools mainly for learning academic knowledge, I would argue that
P
Use synonyms
.
E
Use synonyms
.
classes
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 should be included in the curriculum as it is beneficial for their health and can improve their academic performance as well.
Submitted by 1240469619 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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