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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
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People
 have different views on whether
students
 should have Physical Education (
P
.
E
.)
classes
.
While
 many think that they should focus on academic subjects, I would argue that it is indispensable to provide
P
.
E
.
classes
 for them since physical health is crucial and it can
also
 boost our academic performance. Those who believe that
P
.
E
.
classes
 should be replaced point out that
school
Change the article
a school
show examples
 is a place where
people
 come to learn knowledge. To be more specific,
students
 may learn about language, math, physics, history etc, which are the foundation of their future learning or careers.
People
 can find a better job if they can get higher scores in these subjects.
P
.
E
.
classes
,
however
, are less important. Only those who are gifted or interested in sports can benefit from it.
For example
, in the US,
students
 are likely to be admitted by
prestigious
Add an article
the prestigious
show examples
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 when they
at
Add a missing verb
are at
show examples
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
show examples
 athlete level.
However
, I would argue that
P
.
E
.
classes
 should be compulsory
classes
. The main reason is that despite academics
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the most important part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our school life, we cannot completely ignore
students
’ health.
P
.
E
. teachers can teach
students
 some basic knowledge of different kinds of exercise, so they learn how to do training without hurting themselves.
Therefore
,
students
 could become healthier by exercising both
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
classes
 or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 it after school.
Moreover
, there is scientific evidence shows that exercising regularly can boost one’s academic performance.
As a result
, not only those who want to be professional
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 those who want to achieve high marks in exams can benefit from
P
.
E
.
classes
. In conclusion,
while
 it is
Add an article
the truth
a truth
show examples
truth
Replace the word
true
show examples
 that
people
 attend schools mainly for learning academic knowledge, I would argue that
P
.
E
.
classes
 should be included in the curriculum as it is beneficial for their health and can improve their academic performance as well.
Submitted by 1240469619 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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