the charts below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.

the charts below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.
The pie charts compare the proportion of
time
that working adults wasted in terms of seven activities in a country in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
1958 and 2008.
It is clear that
people spent most of their
time
working in both 2 years, and relaxing at home witnessed the biggest gap in the period shown. In 1958,
while
working and sleeping
time
are roughly the same, with 33% and 32% respectively, people spent 19% of their
time
hanging out with their friends or relatives. They consumed 8% of their
time
at home for relaxing, followed by only 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for their hobbies
time
, which
nearly
Add a missing verb
is nearly
show examples
triple that of travelling to work, with 2%. After
50-year
Correct article usage
a 50-year
show examples
period,
while
the percentage of working
time
undergone
Wrong verb form
underwent
show examples
a climb to 44%, the opposite trend was true for sleeping, which fell to 25%. People in 2008
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
staying at home, which reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
13% and
doubling
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
the figure for going out and other activities
time
, at only 6% for both. There was a rise to 8% in the proportion of travelling to work
time
, which
much
Add a missing verb
is much
show examples
higher than in 1958.
Submitted by bobong120906 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • technological advancements
  • leisure activities
  • household chores
  • gender roles
  • modern lifestyle
  • fast food trends
  • sleep patterns
  • health and well-being
  • societal impact
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