IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Medical science has greatly lengthened the average lifespan of most people. Some think this is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#science #lifespan #people #think #development
In
this
 contemporary era, science changes every stage of
life
 as it expands the growth of mankind and gives more opportunities to them. As in the medical line scientific research evolved a significant approach to human
life
 expectancy.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 others opposed the statement. I believe that it is a beneficial development in
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 few years to maintain the physics run longer. First and foremost, advance in technology changes the medical sector the most.
Thus
,
their
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there
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 is every solution
of
Change preposition
for
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any particular disease which is
a
Remove the article
apply
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economic development for the nations .
Although
,
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an individual
the individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 can live a better
life
with in
Correct your spelling
within
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 crucial
condition
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conditions
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.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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major diseases like cancer, aids and other dangerous diseases which is harmful
for
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to
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 humans that balanced with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicinal health. For , example,
as
Correct word choice
apply
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it is considered that
life
 expectancy will be 120 years of humans with the help of medical treatment.
Therefore
 , it is a positive
aspects
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aspect
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 for
young
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the young
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 generation to maintain their health more
powerful
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powerfully
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 than the past generations for their
well being
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well-being
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.
On the other hand
, there are some negative aspects of increased lifespan.
Firstly
, it is difficult for
government
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the government
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 to provide medicines for
every
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very
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 old age.
Due to
vast
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a vast
the vast
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 number of
old
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the old
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 population
need
Wrong verb form
needing
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a
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apply
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more treatment and
care taking
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caretaking
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 from nurses so
this
 problem
have
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has
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a potential drawbacks
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potential drawbacks
a potential drawback
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 for
government
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the government
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. For, instance, authority focus more on
adults
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adults'
adult's
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 health rather than
young
Add an article
the young
a young
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 individual . As result,
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 generation struggles more with
wide
Correct article usage
the wide
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 pollution of society
along with
 some
unrelevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 diseases. In conclusion,medical science gives a long wing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 expectancy which is beneficial for society old ages live more safely, securely and significantly .
However
, there are some drawbacks for young society to manage
a
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apply
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pollution of density.
Submitted by Jimmydehal090 on

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