IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some country pay extremely high salaries for people. Some people believe that the country must not do that and make a limit for the salaries. Do you agree or disagree.

#country #salaries #people #limit
In
this
 era, many countries pay huge salaries for
company
 workers,
while
 some believe
that is
 not necessary and will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
hardship for the countries.
This
 essay agrees that the nation should give a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of salary to
employees
 but it depends on some categories.
To begin
 with, giving a large amount of fee to
employees
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can bring a positive impact on the economy.
This
 is because those people will give their best to the companies and eventually will lead to the
company
's success. A successful
company
 will bring great income to the country,
while
also
 bringing wealth to the
employees
. Great income
also
 makes the possibility for staff to buy tools that can improve their performance in the office.
For example
, a compatible laptop for graphic designers, or an advanced camera for photographers.
In addition
 to
this
, huge amounts of earnings for staff may lead to brings loyal attitude toward the companies.
This
 strategy can attract people to do their best
while
 working to receive those huge incomes. It
also
 will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
positive competition among the
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
, and increase workers' innovations and creativity throughout the process. The soar jump to creativity may lead the
company
 to create many kinds of products that can be beneficial to selling. In conclusion,
this
 essay agrees with the government or office's strategy to pay a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of salary to the staff.
This
 action is not only beneficial for the workers but
also
 for the country's economy. The policy
also
 will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
positive competition among the
employees
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of high salaries on the economy and employees, supporting the idea with relevant examples. More examples could be provided to strengthen the argument further.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview of the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a stronger transition between paragraphs to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • equitable distribution
  • economic well-being
  • social tensions
  • instability
  • meritocracy
  • top talent
  • innovation
  • government intervention
  • excessive greed
  • exploitation
  • market determination
  • incentives
  • motivation
  • tax revenues
  • public services
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
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