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Band 5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values such as honour, kindness and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#person #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
Being able to obtain materialistic items is one of the most desirable dreams
people
 have been longing for. These days,
people
, in general, tend to interpret
other folk
Change the wording
another folk
other folks
show examples
according to
 the number of their possessions and reputation
while
 neglecting the traditional values in terms of kindness or loyalty.
This
 essay will discuss both these views and explain why it is true. The public nowadays only
judge
Correct subject-verb agreement
judges
show examples
 someone by their status and possessions because of unfair treatment and various social groups.
Firstly
, poor
people
 are being treated unequally in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
community.
Although
 they are good citizens who contribute to helping the country, they are being underestimated because they do not own any valuable and luxurious things. Beggars,
for example
, most of them are kind-hearted
people
 with talents and passion to achieve something in their lifetime;
however
, they are not even given opportunities to engage in
society
 in the first place.
Secondly
, there are different groups divided in
society
. Only wealthy
people
 have a chance to build networks with each other
whereas
 the least privileged are not welcomed to be part of them and are often overlooked.
As a result
, even with old
overall
 qualities,
society
Add an article
a society
show examples
 without status and fortune, will not be able to have any connection with rich
people
.
On the other hand
,
people
 are actually being judged by the quality of their hearts rather than their wealth because of new social norms. In today's
society
,
society
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more open-minded than ever before to accept and appreciate population from all family backgrounds, so
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
 treat them the way others too. In conclusion,
this
 essay has discussed both views on
people
's judgements based on materials and fame others own. Despite the strong arguments from both sides, I strongly agree with
this
 opinion. If
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 still
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
 doing
such
 things, there will certainly be more and more unfairness in future societies.
Submitted by oddomneathp on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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