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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph displays the global
usage
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 by 3 sectors over the century and the table examines
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in
Brazil
Use synonyms
 and
COngo
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 for agricultural purposes increased enormously, the
usage
Use synonyms
 for other remained purposes did not see
such
Linking Words
 an enormous increase. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
Brazil
Use synonyms
 consumed more
water
Use synonyms
 resources than
Congo
Use synonyms
. Back to details, in 1900
usage
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 of
water
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 for agriculture sake was around 500
km
Use synonyms
 which continues going up. Already in
1950
Add a comma
,1950
show examples
 it reached 1000
km
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, over the next 50 years by 2000 it tripled compared to
usage
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 in 1950.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 the scale of a rise for the
usage
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 of industrial and domestic
usage
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 was quite lower with just above 1000 and around 300
km
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 by 2000 respectively. Populations in
Brazil
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 and
Congo
Use synonyms
 were 176 and 5.2 million respectively. The area of irrigated land was 26 higher in
Brazil
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 accounting for 26,500
km
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 than 100
km
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 in
Congo
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.
While
Linking Words
 Brazilians consumed 359 m each, citizens of
Congo
Use synonyms
 only consumed 8 m each.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, water, brazil, congo, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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