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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

In various nations around the world, there has been an increasing number of sophisticated
machines
Use synonyms
 that have replaced and handled human
jobs
Use synonyms
.
While
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this
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 phenomenon offers some benefits, there are
also
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 some downsides. I personally think that advanced
machines
Use synonyms
 bring more drawbacks to society. There are two advantages to having
machines
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 to finish
people
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's
jobs
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.
Firstly
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, those
machines
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 are able to finish
jobs
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 given faster.
For example
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,
machines
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 used by a cigarette company could produce more than 1500 cigarettes per minute compared to what humans usually can do at the same time.
Consequently
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, some companies prefer to operate high-tech
tools
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 rather than hire
people
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due to
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 time efficiency.
In addition
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, using
machines
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 that can replace human
jobs
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 will reduce the factories’
expenses
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.
Although
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 in the beginning, buying sophisticated equipment requires a huge amount of
money
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, in the long term the factories will be able to save and invest more
money
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 since they will not need many workers to be hired.
On the other hand
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, from my perspective, there are two obvious disadvantages. In the first place, job opportunities will be replaced by high-tech
tools
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.
In other words
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, if companies utilize
machines
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 more and more for running their businesses,
people
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’s positions in the workplace will be threatened. In extreme circumstances,
people
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's skills may no longer be needed which could create
people
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 unemployment.
Additionally
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, operating
machines
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 could cause many
expenses
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. The reason for
this
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 is that it will usually cost much more
money
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 if
tools
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 are broken or cannot work.
For example
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, it usually needs maintenance or services are needed in order to keep the equipment in good condition. Because of
this
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, there will be more
money
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 and more
expenses
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 to spend. In conclusion, if
machines
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 are used to do and take human
jobs
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, they could
make
Verb problem
get
show examples
 work done faster and decrease the expenditure of companies.
However
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, I personally think that
machines
Use synonyms
 will bring
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
several downsides
due to
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 work vacancies
will be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 overtaken and much more
expenses
Use synonyms
 being spent for maintenance and services. Given
this
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 situation, it is recommended that the government regulate the use of high-tech
tools
Use synonyms
 these days.

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task response
Provide a stronger opinion in the introduction and conclusion to make your position clear.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea and provides supporting evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of synonyms and phrases to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar usage to improve clarity and accuracy.
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