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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

#machines #jobs #humans
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In various nations around the world, there has been an increasing number of sophisticated
machines
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 that have replaced and handled human
jobs
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.
While
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this
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 phenomenon offers some benefits, there are
also
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 some downsides. I personally think that advanced
machines
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 bring more drawbacks to society. There are two advantages to having
machines
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 to finish
people
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's
jobs
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.
Firstly
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, those
machines
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 are able to finish
jobs
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 given faster.
For example
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,
machines
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 used by a cigarette company could produce more than 1500 cigarettes per minute compared to what humans usually can do at the same time.
Consequently
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, some companies prefer to operate high-tech
tools
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 rather than hire
people
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due to
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 time efficiency.
In addition
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, using
machines
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 that can replace human
jobs
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 will reduce the factories’
expenses
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.
Although
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 in the beginning, buying sophisticated equipment requires a huge amount of
money
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, in the long term the factories will be able to save and invest more
money
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 since they will not need many workers to be hired.
On the other hand
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, from my perspective, there are two obvious disadvantages. In the first place, job opportunities will be replaced by high-tech
tools
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.
In other words
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, if companies utilize
machines
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 more and more for running their businesses,
people
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’s positions in the workplace will be threatened. In extreme circumstances,
people
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's skills may no longer be needed which could create
people
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 unemployment.
Additionally
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, operating
machines
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 could cause many
expenses
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. The reason for
this
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 is that it will usually cost much more
money
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 if
tools
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 are broken or cannot work.
For example
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, it usually needs maintenance or services are needed in order to keep the equipment in good condition. Because of
this
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, there will be more
money
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 and more
expenses
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 to spend. In conclusion, if
machines
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 are used to do and take human
jobs
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, they could
make
Verb problem
get
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 work done faster and decrease the expenditure of companies.
However
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, I personally think that
machines
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 will bring
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
several downsides
due to
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 work vacancies
will be
Wrong verb form
being
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 overtaken and much more
expenses
Use synonyms
 being spent for maintenance and services. Given
this
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 situation, it is recommended that the government regulate the use of high-tech
tools
Use synonyms
 these days.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Provide a stronger opinion in the introduction and conclusion to make your position clear.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea and provides supporting evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of synonyms and phrases to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar usage to improve clarity and accuracy.
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