IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table show the salaries of the anthrolopologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table show the salaries of the anthrolopologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #show #salaries #anthrolopologists #work #five #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given pie chart illustrates
occupations
Correct article usage
the occupations
show examples
 of Anthropology graduates
whereas
 the given table compares five
years
Change noun form
years'
show examples
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 salaries of them from one particular university. It can be noticeable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree holders are working for a full-time job
while
 the highest profitable positions
occopuied
Correct your spelling
occupied
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector after
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
five years of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period from graduation.
According to
 the pie chart, the majority of university
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 selected a
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
 as a 9 to 5 worker
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just under
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half.
Part time
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
 working and postgraduation studying
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by the least
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proportion, with
mere
Correct article usage
a mere
show examples
 5%.
Part time
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
 work accounted for 15 % of the career perspective of graduates,
while
 full-time
post graduation
Add a hyphen
post-graduation
show examples
 study and unknown data showed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 data by 8% of bachelors. When it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pay, freelance consultants and government officers almost have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 distribution of salary range with
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
exception
Correct article usage
the exception
show examples
 that half of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sector workers are paid above 100.000 USD,
while
 a third earns between 75.000 and 99.999 USD.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 ranges have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 proportion of workers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the freelance consultancy field.
On the other hand
, private companies have relatively balanced earnings, between 50.000 and 74.999 band area are most commonly
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being given to their employees.
Submitted by aeksia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: