IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #reason
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During
this
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time
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people
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 are obliged to
work
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 more hours to filled personal achievements
instead
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 of
choosing
Add the particle
tochoosing
show examples
 spend more
time
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 with their families or even themselves.
This
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 essay considered that the negative aspects of
this
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 topic are more than the good
things
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. Nowadays a lot of
people
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 think that being successful in their job could be someone in life, but
this
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 is "old school" thinking. There were times when men used to
work
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 many hours to fill their family needs thinking that material
things
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 were more important than affection or just being there when their family needed them. In today's world, there are still
people
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 thinking the same way and putting first what they should do
instead
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 of what they really want.
For example
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, many
people
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 agree that by working too many hours they will be happy or even provide their family with all the
things
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 they need but I personally do not agree with that, for me is more important to spend
time
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 with our loved ones or even ourselves
instead
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 of being absorbed by
work
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.
On the other hand
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, individuals who
work
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 too much justify their actions by saying that they do that in order to personal growth and they will have spare
time
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 when they get old. Everyone is free to do or feel whatever they want but it is mostly known by different studies that working too much can cause fatigue and by knowing
this
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, I would suggest
to
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apply
show examples
those workaholics
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
step back and think about what they really want
for
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apply
show examples
their future.
To conclude
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, working too much have its ups and downs and every individual should know what is best for them but always be conscious that all the
things
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 they choose could cause an effect, not just on themselves but sometimes on the
people
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 who are near them.
Submitted by nicoarratta on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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