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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two charts present data from 2009, showcasing the
number
Use synonyms
 of participants in various night classes by gender and
age
Use synonyms
 distribution.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
students
Use synonyms
 were aged 50 years and above.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there were more female
attendees
Use synonyms
 than males in most courses. Most prominently, language classes gained the highest popularity among women with 40 female
attendees
Use synonyms
, double the
number
Use synonyms
 of their male counterparts in
this
Linking Words
 class category.
In contrast
Linking Words
, men preferred painting the most as 25 of them chose to take part in drawing lessons.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, there were still 5 more ladies in
this
Linking Words
 class than gentlemen. The least favoured option for both genders was the sculpture course which had 10 male
students
Use synonyms
 and half that
number
Use synonyms
 for females.
In addition
Linking Words
, the drama class was just as unpopular among men as sculpture but was reasonably well-received among women with 20 female
attendees
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the
age
Use synonyms
 statistics of the course participants, only 5% of them were 20 years and younger, forming the smallest
age
Use synonyms
 group. More than double that
number
Use synonyms
 were people between 20 and 29, followed by those in their thirties who account for 16% of the
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
attendees
Use synonyms
 in their forties make up more than a quarter of all
students
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the largest
age
Use synonyms
 group was people above 50 years old, who were 42% of
students
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, age, students, attendees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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