IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

28/05/2022: The population of many cities is growing rapidly. What are effects on people living in these city? What can be done to maintain the quality of life of people ?

#population #cities #effects #people #city #quality #life
It is a public concern that there is a dramatic increase in the number of residents settling in urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
This
 issue has several impacts on those living in these
cities
, and solutions are suggested to improve the quality of life. There are two main effects that affect citizens in metropolises.
Firstly
, It is
Correct article usage
a rapidly-growing
show examples
rapidly-growing
Correct your spelling
rapidly growing
show examples
 population that overloads the urban infrastructure. Specifically, not only would the transport system cope with traffic jams, but various public services would
also
 be overcrowding, one of which is the hospital. In fact, patients in public hospitals have to share their
bed
Fix the agreement mistake
beds
show examples
 with one or even two others
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of treatment
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Secondly
, The
cities
 would lack the ability to provide jobs to residents.
Consequently
, there would be more unemployment, poverty and crime. In order to maintain the quality of city residents, urgent measures must be imposed. The government is expected to invest in urban construction. As
cities
 expand too quickly, it is very necessary that new houses, schools, health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, and roads should be built. With
this
 investment, individuals would have a peaceful life , as they no longer worry about their habitat.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, the authorities should encourage people to work in the countryside, which releases the number of
labor
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
 migrating to
cities
.
Therefore
, there would be more employment opportunities for individuals who live in metropolises. In conclusion, there are serious consequences of overcrowded
cities
. Funding public construction and reducing migration must be taken to protect living conditions for people in those
cities
.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: