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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

28/05/2022: The population of many cities is growing rapidly. What are effects on people living in these city? What can be done to maintain the quality of life of people ?

#population #cities #effects #people #city #quality #life
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It is a public concern that there is a dramatic increase in the number of residents settling in urban
centers
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centres
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.
This
 issue has several impacts on those living in these
cities
, and solutions are suggested to improve the quality of life. There are two main effects that affect citizens in metropolises.
Firstly
, It is
Correct article usage
a rapidly-growing
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rapidly-growing
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rapidly growing
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 population that overloads the urban infrastructure. Specifically, not only would the transport system cope with traffic jams, but various public services would
also
 be overcrowding, one of which is the hospital. In fact, patients in public hospitals have to share their
bed
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beds
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 with one or even two others
due to
 lack of treatment
condition
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conditions
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.
Secondly
, The
cities
 would lack the ability to provide jobs to residents.
Consequently
, there would be more unemployment, poverty and crime. In order to maintain the quality of city residents, urgent measures must be imposed. The government is expected to invest in urban construction. As
cities
 expand too quickly, it is very necessary that new houses, schools, health
centers
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centres
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, and roads should be built. With
this
 investment, individuals would have a peaceful life , as they no longer worry about their habitat.
Beside
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Besides
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, the authorities should encourage people to work in the countryside, which releases the number of
labor
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labourers
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 migrating to
cities
.
Therefore
, there would be more employment opportunities for individuals who live in metropolises. In conclusion, there are serious consequences of overcrowded
cities
. Funding public construction and reducing migration must be taken to protect living conditions for people in those
cities
.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific cities affected by overpopulation.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay and avoid small shifts in formal language.
coherence cohesion
Clear and concise introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure of the essay is apparent, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect or solution to the problem.
task achievement
Addressed both the problem and possible solutions effectively, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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