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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people play video games as a main way to entertain. Do the advantages of playing video games outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #video #games
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In modern days most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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love to spend their
hour
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hours
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 in
video
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a video
the video
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game
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games
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment.
This
 essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of playing
video
 games . The main advantage of spending time on
video
 games
are
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is
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people
 can have their freedom
on
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in
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 the
game
 and they are safe and
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
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 from
the
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apply
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some accidents.
Firstly
, when
people
 play
video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 at home, they are
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 so they can do whatever they want . They don't need to play as a team and they don't need to follow the others
people
's opinions.
Secondly
,
this
 kind of
game
 they play inside the house and
it
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apply
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is more safe and
secure
Correct quantifier usage
more secure
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 from
the
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accident that usually happens at
outdoor
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the outdoor
an outdoor
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game
.
However
, there are some major disadvantages
such
 as being addicted and visual problems in future. When
people
 spend their time on electronic devices and play
the
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apply
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game
 they become
Add an article
an addict
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addict
Wrong verb form
addicted
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of
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to
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 it and might have
serious
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a serious
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 with
it's
Replace the word
its
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habit
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habits
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. And
also
 because of
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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hour
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hours
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 of continuous playing
infrom
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the device screen , the person can have eye problems in the coming future. In conclusion, playing
video
game
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games
show examples
 can give
people
 freedom of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time but it might harm
in
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apply
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their health. I believe that
,
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apply
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these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 benefits of
the
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apply
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plying
Correct your spelling
playing
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video
game
 as
entertain
Change the verb form
entertaining
show examples
 outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
.
Submitted by iswor.bisural on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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