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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show exports between the US and Vietnam. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The pie charts below show exports between the US and Vietnam. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The given pie charts represent exports between two countries(the United States and
Vietnam
Use synonyms
) and different areas of
exportation
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 and their values in millions of
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most valuable product
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Vietnam
Use synonyms
 exporting to the US is Coffee and the cheapest exportations are garments and other
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
Vietnam
Use synonyms
,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 exporting lots of industrial
products
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as machinery, cars and different
products
Use synonyms
 but the most expensive exporting units are aircraft parts with 72
million
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of
Change preposition
apply
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dollars
Use synonyms
 in value. Surprisingly the lowest income
providing
Wrong verb form
provided
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 by exports is cars with 6
million
Use synonyms
 of their value. If we scope much deeper to
Vietnam
Use synonyms
 to US
exportation
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, the second important
exportation
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products
Use synonyms
 of
Vietnam
Use synonyms
 are Fruit and vegetables with 16
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, seafood and rice are pretty close to each other with 4.4
millons
Correct your spelling
million
millions
 and 4.3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 respectively. Back to the US and their
exportation
Use synonyms
 to
Vietnam
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, there are
products
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 which are uncategorized with
valued
Correct article usage
a valued
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35
Change preposition
at 35
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million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 over 30
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
 are earned
by
Change preposition
from
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 machinery sales. Fertiliser and cotton are
also
Linking Words
 different
exportation
Use synonyms
 areas with 16.5
million
Use synonyms
 and 12
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
 by order.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words vietnam, exportation, products, dollars, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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