The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree

When a certain astronaut first reached the
moon
, it made many
people
be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
surprised.
This
is because walking on the
moon
was quite extraordinary news at the time.
However
, I am of
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
opinion that
this
news has not had a significant effect on changing the
lives
of most
people
. On the one hand, some
people
agree that the success of reaching the
moon
failed to make a considerable difference in the average
people
’s
lives
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
noteworthy reasons. The most remarkable one is that the majority of
people
are highly likely to consider that the event is extremely not related to their
lives
. To use a common example of
this
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
people
tend to focus on different issues, which means that they prioritize more important current affairs relating to housing, investment, and tax policy.
In addition
,
people
engaging in different fields, not cosmology or astronomy are not interested in
this
kind of achievement, and
this
is just surprising and unusual news for them.
On the other hand
, other
people
disagree with the above statement for many reasons. The important reason for
this
regard is that the first step on the
moon
eminently has contributed to improving the quality of
people
’s
lives
. To be specific, the achievement allows the branches of science and technology to be developed, which means that it suggests the potential and possibility in new fields by succeeding to gain a great outcome.
Furthermore
, it would lead to extra innovations in different areas including Internet access and phone calls. In conclusion, when all the specific reasons and relevant examples are considered, I strongly believe that the initial step on the
moon
definitely could not bring about crucial positive changes in the average
people
’s
lives
.
Submitted by doseun on

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task response
Provide a more balanced argument by acknowledging opposing views and presenting a clear position.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main ideas and frame the essay effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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