IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Fast food is a part of life in some places. Some people think that this has bad effects on lifestyles and diet. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #places #people #effects #lifestyles #diet
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There is no denying the fact that the main impact of
junk
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food
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 is arguable. It is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
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 held belief that
food
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 high in fats and sugars can have a negative influence on public everyday
life
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 and diet. In my opinion, I consider that eating
junk
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food
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 may have an adverse effect on an individual
life
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. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, consuming
junk
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food
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 may negatively affect public health.
For instance
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,
people
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tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
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 to consume fast
food
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 are more prone to metabolic diseases
such
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 as obesity, diabetes and high
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
. To illustrate,
this
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 kind of
food
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 might
contained
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contain
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 a huge amount of oil which may accumulate in the blood vessels and leads to many heart diseases. Indeed, it becomes apparent that fast
food
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 can
adverely
Correct your spelling
adversely
 affect
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health.
Moreover
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,
junk
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food
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 may
harmfuly
Correct your spelling
harmful
harmfully
 impact the individual learning and memory.
For example
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, a prestigious journal article published a recent study which discussed the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 effects of eating fast
food
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, the study showed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 who consume
high
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a high
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
junk
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food
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 for
long
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a long
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period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of time, tend to be affected
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 depression
as well as
Linking Words
 they had some problems in learning and memory. Clearly,
people
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 may find it easier to eat fast
food
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reguraly
Correct your spelling
regularly
.
On the other hand
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, they have neglected the
long time
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long-time
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 influence which might deteriorate their
life
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 and cause more serious issues.
Thus
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,
this
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 makes it clear that consuming
such
Linking Words
food
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 will cause dangerous problems for
people
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. In conclusion, fast
food
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 may ease
society
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society's
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life
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,
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 it may affect them negatively. I
strongely
Correct your spelling
strongly
 believe that consuming
such
Linking Words
food
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 that
full
Add a missing verb
is full
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with
Change preposition
of
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 saturated fats, salts and sugars may deteriorate community health
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
short
Correct article usage
the short
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 and long term, and
hence
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 more focus requires.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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