The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
The
pie
graph displays the principal
causes
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
farming land deteriorates
while
the
table
illustrates how three regions of the planet were affected by these factors in the 1990s. As you can see all I have done is change the words in the questions using synonyms and
then
connected them using the word ‘
while
’. We can clearly see from the
pie
chart that there are three primary
causes
of farmland degradation, and over-grazing is the major one. The
table
shows that Europe had a far higher percentage of unproductive land compared to the other two regions in
this
time period. For
this
paragraph
Add a comma
,paragraph
show examples
I have picked out the main features from each graph and
wrote
Wrong verb form
written
show examples
them in a general way. Notice that I have not included any numbers. We will support our ideas with
Add an article
a number
the number
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
in the next two paragraphs.
Also
, notice that I am using the present simple for the
pie
chart because there is no date and the past tense for the
table
because it was in the 1990s. The
pie
chart represents four
causes
, with over-grazing representing the biggest proportion at just over a third. Widespread clearing of trees and the over-use of crops constitute nearly
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
and just over a quarter respectively. Here I have varied my language by using synonyms for the
causes
and proportions and fractions for the data. The
table
shows that nearly
one quarter
Add a hyphen
one-quarter
show examples
of Europe’s entire surface had fallen victim to degeneration. Only a small proportion of North America’s total land became less productive at 5% and Oceania was marginally higher with a value of 13%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, causes, table with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.

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