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Band 3.5

More and more people are shifting to cities from countryside. Do this have advantages or disadvantages on environment?

#people #cities #countryside #environment
The modern life nowadays, big city citizens have tendencies to move out from their places to stay closer to
natural
Replace the word
nature
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.
This
 might negatively impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
environment
 like deforestation and deteriorate the natural
inhabitat
Correct your spelling
habitat
 of wild
animals
. For urbanizing preparation, human needs more
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
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 to build
house
Add an article
a house
the house
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,
therefore
 they will cut down
trees
 for building
up
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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residential areas.
This
 action will harm the
environment
 by lower the tree numbers
whereas
trees
 can absorb the CO2 and prevent floods. Taking Dalat, a lovely plateau city in Vietnam as an example. Because of intense urbanization that
against
Add a missing verb
is against
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 the maximum capacity of
this
 city,
government
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the government
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 allowed the policy to cut down many
trees
 for business houses. That caused a huge flood in 2005 that would be prevented by tree walls. The
repurcussion
Correct your spelling
repercussion
repercussions
 of urbanization is not only
Correct article usage
an impact
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impact
Replace the word
impacted
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to
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on
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human
Correct article usage
the human
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environment
 but
also
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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affect
Correct your spelling
effect
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to
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on
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animals
. Reducing the
trees
 are lower the natural
inhabitats
Correct your spelling
habitats
inhabitants
 of wild
animals
, it means
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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, the intruders push the
animals
 out of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 lives and force them to find
another places
Replace the adjective
another place
other places
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. Wild
animals
 might move to cities and harm human life. As the result, if that story
happen
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happens
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 in a long term, that scene can cause ecosystem
unbalance
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to unbalance
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. Moving out
the
Change preposition
of the
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 cities to reach the remote areas tends to cause negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
environment
, specifically to lower the number
trees
Change preposition
of trees
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 and natural
inhabitats
Correct your spelling
habitats
inhabitants
 of wild
animals
. In my perspective,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should impose strict laws to prevent
undercontrol
Correct your spelling
under control
 urbanization in the future.
Submitted by Hoang Nguyen on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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