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Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.
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The pie chart demonstrates the most ordinary positive and negative features on Bowen
Island
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 investigation was taken by the
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
.
Overall
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, the most common merit is that
people
Use synonyms
 live on the
island
Use synonyms
 when the disadvantage is the cost of living is too high to survive.
To begin
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 with the disadvantages, half of the
people
Use synonyms
 think the price of groceries is too high to live in Bowen
Island
Use synonyms
while
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 25% of visitors consider entertainment is worse.
In addition
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, there are 15% and 10% of
people
Use synonyms
 think the weather and the quality of food are a demerit in Bowen
Island
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, 42% of tourists believe the
people
Use synonyms
 who live on the
island
Use synonyms
 are an advantage,
whereas
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 35% of
people
Use synonyms
 believe the landscape is better than expected. 12% of
people
Use synonyms
 think culture is the most important thing to experience.
However
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, there are only 11% of tourists feel accommodation is good enough.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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