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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, over a two-week period in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, over a two-week period in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #price #tickets #airline #sydney #melbourne #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar graphs compare the budget of airline
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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beginning
Wrong verb form
began
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 in
Sydney
 to Melbourne and
turning
Wrong verb form
turned
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 back during the period of 2 weeks in 2013 .
Overall
,
it is clear that
 commercial flights from
Sydney
 to Melbourne in two weeks had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quite similar
tendencies
Correct the article-noun agreement
tendency
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, exceptional
Monday’s
Change noun form
Monday
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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. Meanwhile , these from Melbourne with the destination
Sydney
 saw more changes which happened on 3 types of day namely Monday , Friday and Saturday
Firstly
 ,
viewer
Add an article
the viewer
a viewer
show examples
 can see easily that in the first chart , the fee for flight in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
week
 remain unchanged from Tuesday to the
last
 day of
week
Add an article
the week
show examples
 and
this
 trend was as same as
week
Change preposition
in week
show examples
 2 .
However
 , there was only one transformation . The price of tickets for
week
 1 stood at 80$
while
 in the next
week
 , the passenger witnessed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dramatic decline of 30$ and became the third highest and more than Tues , Wed
as well as
 Thurs .
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand , the journey came back to
Sydney
 experienced more alters but those
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
show examples
 trends in the second
week
 . Monday and Friday
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 days when fee dropped remarkably by 20$ .
Lastly
 , Saturday’s price went down fewer
10
Change preposition
than 10
show examples
% , which was the second highest of 2nd
week
 .
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sydney, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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