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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, over a two-week period in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, over a two-week period in 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graphs compare the budget of airline
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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beginning
Wrong verb form
began
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 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to Melbourne and
turning
Wrong verb form
turned
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 back during the period of 2 weeks in 2013 .
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 commercial flights from
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to Melbourne in two weeks had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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quite similar
tendencies
Correct the article-noun agreement
tendency
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, exceptional
Monday’s
Change noun form
Monday
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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. Meanwhile , these from Melbourne with the destination
Sydney
Use synonyms
 saw more changes which happened on 3 types of day namely Monday , Friday and Saturday
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
viewer
Add an article
the viewer
a viewer
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 can see easily that in the first chart , the fee for flight in
first
Correct article usage
the first
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week
Use synonyms
 remain unchanged from Tuesday to the
last
Linking Words
 day of
Use synonyms
week
Add an article
the week
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 and
this
Linking Words
 trend was as same as
Use synonyms
week
Change preposition
in week
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 2 .
However
Linking Words
 , there was only one transformation . The price of tickets for
week
Use synonyms
 1 stood at 80$
while
Linking Words
 in the next
week
Use synonyms
 , the passenger witnessed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 dramatic decline of 30$ and became the third highest and more than Tues , Wed
as well as
Linking Words
 Thurs .
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand , the journey came back to
Sydney
Use synonyms
 experienced more alters but those
was
Change the verb form
were
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decrease
Replace the word
decreased
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 trends in the second
week
Use synonyms
 . Monday and Friday
was
Change the verb form
were
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 days when fee dropped remarkably by 20$ .
Lastly
Linking Words
 , Saturday’s price went down fewer
10
Change preposition
than 10
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% , which was the second highest of 2nd
week
Use synonyms
 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sydney, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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