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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the information about
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 in the three countries
such
Linking Words
 as Camada,South Korea and Sweden in 2005 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, gradually increase the count of worked males in 2005 and female's employability rate was less compared to men.
Initially
Linking Words
 , Canadian people and South
Koreans
Replace the word
Korean
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 slightly increased from 2015 distinguish between 2005 but in Sweden male employability decreased in 2015 and females
rates
Use synonyms
 little high.More than 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of males work in Canada but it has a little high in 2015 ,which is 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, In 2005 nearly 40% of
employment
Use synonyms
 count for women but it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
led to more than 50% in 2015.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in South
Korea
Add a comma
,Korea
show examples
 more than 70%
men
Change preposition
of men
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 worked both years but there is not a big difference and for females
also
Linking Words
 the same more than 30%.In ,Sweden 70%
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 working rate in the chart
Add a missing verb
was
show examples
a tiny down in 2015 and for females more than 40% and a slight increase in 2015.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Employment
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 in the three countries
minimal
Add a missing verb
had minimal
show examples
 variations in both years and that graph little fluctuated.
Submitted by keyarthi on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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