IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
 believe ex-convicts
people
 are the best guide for
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
.And they
also
 can help
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation avoid crime.I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
 statement.And I am going to explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides. It is well-established fact that some criminals after they are set free have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to change their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
try to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 for their society and their families.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
first
Add the comma(s)
,first
show examples
 of all,can be a good teacher
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
 to teach them how
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison like
Add a hyphen
prison-like
show examples
 and they can express the dangers of
criminal
Add an article
a criminal
the criminal
show examples
 lifestyle.
in addition
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 can
accepted
Change the verb form
accept
be accepted
show examples
 or be more influenced by
people
 with real crime records. Because they had a bad experience and
also
 young
people
 can understand how crime
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
undeniable consequences in their life.
On the other hand
,there are some disadvantages if reformed criminals have a direct connection with teenagers,
for example
, ex-convicts can indirectly
pursuade
Correct your spelling
persuade
children
Change preposition
on how
show examples
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they can do something wrong,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 some cases curious
children
 may be motivated and the wanted experience themselves.
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
 teenagers by nature are not interested in
accept
Change the verb form
accepting
show examples
 some advice and it may not be enough effective for them.
To sum up
,
connection
Add an article
the connection
a connection
show examples
 between rehabilitated offenders and
children
 can be useful but under the direct supervision of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
police officers or they can speak with teenagers in the form of
tv
Correct article usage
a tv
show examples
programe
Correct your spelling
programme
 indirectly.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: