SOME PEOPE SAY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORGANISED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHERS SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DICUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION

#peope #people #children #part #group #activities #time #dicuss

Nowadays children can employ their spare time in various different ways, both

paretcipating

Correct your spelling

participating

in individual or

gruop

Correct your spelling

group

activities. On one hand,

leave

Wrong verb form

leaving

show examples

teens

Change noun form

teens'

teen's

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decisions on what they can do when they are free can make them more

indipendent

Correct your spelling

independent

on the other hand

, someone might feel lonely or get really bored by playing alone. By joining a group you are able to make friends, find out new intriguing points of view, you learn how to collaborate and

also

how to respect other people.

For example

, being part of a

sport's

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sports

show examples

team helps to find people who share your same interests that can become a lot more than just

teamates

Correct your spelling

teammates

However

, it can lead to a lack of ability to spend time on your own. From a completely different point of thought, if as a parent you insist that your sons and daughters learn how to use free time without needing someone else with them, they are probably going to be more

indipendent

Correct your spelling

independent

and less needy in every day to day

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

of life. In fact, a child that since a very young age had to deal with problems on his own and develop his

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

skills is going to thrive in situations where he is left with little to

none

Correct quantifier usage

show examples

directions on what to do. In conclusion, both these educational approaches are valid, the former focused on forming a really sociable person and the latter on teaching

Correct pronoun usage

you to

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live easily on your own. From my point of view, social opinion is really

relavant

Correct your spelling

relevant

these days, so, it is easier to grow being part of a group to avoid being discriminated

Change preposition

against or

show examples

left apart.

Submitted by cattariky02 on Tue Feb 14 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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SOME PEOPE SAY THAT PEOPLE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORGANISED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHERS SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DICUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION

Fully explain your ideas

Health services are a basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

some people say history is one of the most important School subjects.other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be e the consequences of this ?What solution can you offer?