IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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It is widely believed that food and drink
products
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 with
abundant
Add an article
an abundant
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amount
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amounts
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 of
sugar
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 can cause serious
health
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 issues.
Hence
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, some
people
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 claim that
such
Linking Words
products
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 should cost more in order to reduce
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
consumption
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. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will argue that
this
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 approach can be ineffective and provide
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
different
Change preposition
of different
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option
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options
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. Making food and beverages more expensive does not
guarante
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guarantee
to reduce
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reducing
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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consumption
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.
Although
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 it is true that
this
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 might work for the poorest population, it is unlikely to have a significant effect on the majority.
For instance
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, cigarettes,
that
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which
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 are
also
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 harmful to our
health
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,
does
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do
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 have a very high
consumption
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 tax and still many
people
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 buy
it
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them
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 in large quantities. Simply, an addiction is larger than the negatives of a higher price tag and
people
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 are willing to give up on other things just to have money
on
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for
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 their pleasure in a form of
sugar
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 or
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
. Given that money
are
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is
show examples
 likely not to be the main driver of our
consumption
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 of sweet
products
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, more emphasis should be put on education. By showing the negative effects of high
sugar
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consumption
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 and at the same time promoting
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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 alternatives. It is possible to change the trend and reduce the popularity of
sugar
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 meals. It could be done by employing influencers and general role models to
which
Correct pronoun usage
whom
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 many
people
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 look up
to
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apply
show examples
.
People
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might go in their footsteps and start buying
less
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fewer
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sugar
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products
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 than before. In conclusion, I am convinced that increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
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 of sweet
products
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 is not the right approach to reduce
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
consumption
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, because a higher price, in
case
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the case
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 of addictive substances, does not necessarily leads to lower demand.
However
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,
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
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 of
health
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substitues
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substitutes
 using role models can have
desired
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the desired
show examples
 impact as
people
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 tend to mirror the behaviour of someone they respect.
Submitted by jakub.laza23 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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