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Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
It is widely believed that food and drink
products
 with
abundant
Add an article
an abundant
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
 can cause serious
health
 issues.
Hence
, some
people
 claim that
such
products
 should cost more in order to reduce
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
consumption
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will argue that
this
 approach can be ineffective and provide
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
. Making food and beverages more expensive does not
guarante
Correct your spelling
guarantee
to reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
consumption
.
Although
 it is true that
this
 might work for the poorest population, it is unlikely to have a significant effect on the majority.
For instance
, cigarettes,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are
also
 harmful to our
health
,
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 have a very high
consumption
 tax and still many
people
 buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in large quantities. Simply, an addiction is larger than the negatives of a higher price tag and
people
 are willing to give up on other things just to have money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their pleasure in a form of
sugar
 or
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
. Given that money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 likely not to be the main driver of our
consumption
 of sweet
products
, more emphasis should be put on education. By showing the negative effects of high
sugar
consumption
 and at the same time promoting
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 alternatives. It is possible to change the trend and reduce the popularity of
sugar
 meals. It could be done by employing influencers and general role models to
which
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 many
people
 look up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
People
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might go in their footsteps and start buying
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
sugar
products
 than before. In conclusion, I am convinced that increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of sweet
products
 is not the right approach to reduce
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
consumption
, because a higher price, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of addictive substances, does not necessarily leads to lower demand.
However
,
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
 of
health
substitues
Correct your spelling
substitutes
 using role models can have
desired
Change the article
the desired
show examples
 impact as
people
 tend to mirror the behaviour of someone they respect.
Submitted by jakub.laza23 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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