Question : some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in countryside. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Young
people
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are having
Wrong verb form
have
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a tendency to settle down in the urban
areas
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but leave only the elderly to stay in the rural sectors. The
development
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of the
country
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might be affected since the population
density
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unbalances. The
government
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should distribute entertainment services and have a campaign to push firms to construct headquarters in more
areas
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. Knowing that the city centre brings
people
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convenience since most relaxation activities or
people
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's workplace are all focused on there, so,
people
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choose to leave the countryside.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
can lead to
Correct article usage
an unbalance
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unbalance
Replace the word
unbalanced
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population, the young
people
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's
density
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and old
people
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's
density
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are
Verb problem
have
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having majority gap and the
country
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itself can not uniform
development
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.
For instance
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, in Hanoi,
although
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this
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city is the capital of Vietnam because the citizen
density
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is not balanced, only several districts are economically stable and attracting tourism. Vietnam is still staying at a developing
country
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and
having
Wrong verb form
has had
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low
Correct article usage
a low
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GDP since
then
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. For that reason,
distribute
Wrong verb form
distributed
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population
density
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plays a vital role in
development
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and integration. To prevent
this
Linking Words
obstacle, the
government
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should set up more entertainment and convenient services
such
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as modern hospitals, and varieties kind of shopping malls in rural
areas
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.
Moreover
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, to contribute to the uniform economy and attract young citizens to choose to stay in the countryside, the
government
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should push more companies to build headquarters in rural
areas
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. For that reason, young
people
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can experience life in rural
areas
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as same as when they live in the city without
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
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far away from their jobs. In conclusion, young
people
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only staying in the urban sectors can lead to stagnation
country
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's
development
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. The
government
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should consider
this
Linking Words
obstacle more seriously and provide services and firms in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the specific problems caused by rural depopulation and briefly introduce potential solutions. This will provide a clearer framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to transition smoothly between your ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Using linking phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or statistical evidence where possible to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points.
task achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas and addresses both parts of the question, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The overall message of your essay is clear and you have provided a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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