The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
impact of shopping on the
youth
Use synonyms
is arguable.
Youngsters
Use synonyms
tend to use their free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
shopping at the mall which might cause
deleterious
Correct article usage
a deleterious
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
on them and
public
Correct article usage
the public
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.
In my
Change preposition
My
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opinion, I strongly disagree
to
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with
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such
Linking Words
practice
Correct article usage
a practice
show examples
and I think
youth
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must spend their
entertainments'
Change noun form
entertainments
show examples
time
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doing something
that is
Linking Words
more beneficial for them
such
Linking Words
as
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
social activities. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall explain my point of view and show why I believe
this
Linking Words
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, spending free
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping may cause negative effects on
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
future
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. It is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters
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should spend their leisure
time
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doing something that
are
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is
show examples
more useful for them
such
Linking Words
as working with charities or reading a book. As public at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
may need to build their personality and
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
themselves
to
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for
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the
future
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it makes clear that using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra
time
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for shopping can cause
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
on
youth
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
youngsters
Use synonyms
should utilize their
entertainments'
Change noun form
entertainments
show examples
time
Use synonyms
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
sports and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
healthy. To illustrate, at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, people
needs
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need
show examples
to
strengthening
Change the verb
strengthen
show examples
their muscle and build their bones.
For example
Linking Words
, a prestigious journal article published
study
Add an article
a study
show examples
showing that 30% of
youth
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who lived a sedentary
lifstyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
had been affected with harmful diseases
such
Linking Words
as heart attack and obesity. Indeed, it becomes apparent that young society must avoid using their
wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
time
Use synonyms
shopping at the mall as it will harm their health and life. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
show examples
very precious for
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
at a young
age
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
youngsters
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must avoid using their extra
time
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shopping as it might deteriorate their
future
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and life.
This
Linking Words
is because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
must use their wealthy
time
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practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
something that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
them to succeed in the
future
Use synonyms
and keep them healthy.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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