we should introduce law to make business and state services employ equal numbers of male and female worker in every department or area of the company. How far do you agree this idea? give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

We are living in the salad days of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender equity, where people call for equal opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
. It
is often expostulated
Change to the active voice
often expostulates
expostulated
show examples
that laws should be enacted that garner equal employment
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
for both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business and state services.
Although
I agree that equal opportunities are pertinent, there are certain sectors that cannot
guarentee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
uniform chances. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
we delve into the reasons for the statement. To
commece
Correct your spelling
commence
with the facet of agreement, there are a
myraid
Correct your spelling
myriad
of things to be shared in its favour. Primarily,
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number of chances for employment ensures consistent and stable income to the family
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
, which
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
increases the quality of life and education for the kids.
Further
, equal employment opportunities
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
show examples
provisions for equal wages, which
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
increases the ownership of women in their lives and
abate
Correct subject-verb agreement
abates
show examples
the
insectional
Correct your spelling
intersectional
feminism.
This
will eventually decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
depression and other mental health issues in women.
Submitted by dtifaniya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diversity
  • inclusive
  • decision-making
  • problem-solving
  • role models
  • inspiration
  • unconscious biases
  • company reputation
  • stereotypes
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • motivation
  • satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: