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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show proportion of British students at one university in England who able to speak other languages in addition English, In 2000 and 2010.

The provided pie charts illustrate the percentages of
English speaking
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English-speaking
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students
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 of
an
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a
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 university in the UK, who were capable of speaking foreign
languages
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 in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
students
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 in the university have spoken Spanish compared to other
languages
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,
while
Linking Words
 there was an increment in the proportions of
students
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 who were able to speak other
languages
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. In terms of Spanish speakers, the figure was at 30% in 2000 and rose to 35% in the next decade.
Similarly
Linking Words
, charts
shows
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show
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a
Remove the article
apply
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growth in
students
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 who knew two
languages
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 other than English, that was accounted for 10% in 2000 and increased to 15% in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, undergraduates who spoke another language were at 15% in 2000 and it climbed to 20% after 10 years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a decrement in
Add an article
a student
the student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who did not speak any other language, that was accounted for 20% in 2000 but reduced to 10% in 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people who spoke only French apart from English
also
Linking Words
 experienced a decline of 5% during the period.
Finally
Linking Words
, the figures for German speakers
were remained
Change to the active voice
remained
have remained
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 the same at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 percentage of 10% in both years.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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