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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show proportion of British students at one university in England who able to speak other languages in addition English, In 2000 and 2010.

#show #proportion #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
The provided pie charts illustrate the percentages of
English speaking
Add a hyphen
English-speaking
show examples
students
 of
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 university in the UK, who were capable of speaking foreign
languages
 in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, the majority of
students
 in the university have spoken Spanish compared to other
languages
,
while
 there was an increment in the proportions of
students
 who were able to speak other
languages
. In terms of Spanish speakers, the figure was at 30% in 2000 and rose to 35% in the next decade.
Similarly
, charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
growth in
students
 who knew two
languages
 other than English, that was accounted for 10% in 2000 and increased to 15% in 2010.
Furthermore
, undergraduates who spoke another language were at 15% in 2000 and it climbed to 20% after 10 years.
On the other hand
, there was a decrement in
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who did not speak any other language, that was accounted for 20% in 2000 but reduced to 10% in 2010.
Moreover
, people who spoke only French apart from English
also
 experienced a decline of 5% during the period.
Finally
, the figures for German speakers
were remained
Change to the active voice
remained
have remained
show examples
 the same at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage of 10% in both years.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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