The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Three pie charts illustrate Americans added how many nutrients in different meals.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
chart showed 3 types of nutrients add breakfast lunch
snacks
Use synonyms
and
dinner
Use synonyms
meals
while
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
most ingredients add to
dinner
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
dinner
Use synonyms
constitutes
sodium
Use synonyms
and fat, and sugar 43% 37% 23% respectively.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
consists of little sugar and most
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
added in
snacks
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fat and
sodium
Use synonyms
are
also
Linking Words
added
Use synonyms
snacks
Change preposition
to snacks
show examples
which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
21% and 14% respectively. Thirty-one is lunch which constitutes 29%
sodium
Use synonyms
26% fat and 19% lunch.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, breakfast consists of
little
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
ingredients rather than other meals. Fat and sugar amount are the same at 16%
while
Linking Words
sodium
Use synonyms
is the same amount as
snacks
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words snacks, dinner, sodium with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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