Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How this problem can be overcome?

An increasing number of individuals have been having difficulty keeping equal jobs and alternative parts of their lives since the 21st century began. A primary reason why social phenomena
are
Verb problem
exist
show examples
continuously
existing
Verb problem
apply
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is fierce
competition
currently
Rephrase
apply
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. In my view, social media and ordinary people are mainly responsible
to address
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for addressing
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these modern issues. Regarding the reason, younger workers who are facing fierce
competition
with their peers strive
for getting
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to get
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a better promotion with a higher salary because they are willing to provide an excelling standard of living to their loved ones.
Consequently
, it is
indisputable
Correct article usage
an indisputable
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fact that they need to pay 100% attention to their career
instead
of other things that
entertained
Wrong verb form
entertain
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themselves.
For example
, the latest report from The World Economic Institution revealed that approximately 80% of
youngers
Correct your spelling
young people
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feel exhausted
due to
heavy burdens from their workplace;
therefore
, the fierce
competition
in the labour market
cause
Replace the word
causes
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a majority of youngers that cannot to balance their job and lives. In order to tackle the problem, social media are responsible
to spread
Change preposition
for spreading
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the right value which is the sense of community rather than
competition
with others because awareness of community plays a vital role
to help
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in helping
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the young generation
to
Verb problem
apply
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build well-being that causes a highly efficient problem-solving ability for their dilemma of workplaces. Obviously, it implies that the citizens can finish their
job
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jobs
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quickly and have more time to relieve themselves.
In addition
, individuals need to learn how to identify the different categories of the importance of tasks since the citizens who have these kinds of abilities can give up some subordinate work goals and have some time and energy to communicate with friends. In short, the problem will be solved if these practical methods can be used. In conclusion,
although
the fierce labour market that causes the lack of balance between an individual's life and work is not avoidable, social media still
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
the public to build the right value of belonging and individuals
also
learn new abilities about identity and choice.
As a result
, these methods could help them tackle these problems.
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the task question but lacks clarity in conveying comprehensive ideas. It needs to present a clear and coherent response to the question, focusing on the reasons for work-life balance issues and effective solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure and some coherence with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is a need for better organization of main points and the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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