IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss Both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
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It is believed that clever marketing tempts plenty of customers to buy products but some
people
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 pay little attention to general advertising. I am going to shed some light on
this
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 statement. On
one
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 hand, in globalization
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 internet influences our daily lives,
people
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 spend at least an hour per day on social
media
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 and,
thus
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, get bombarded with numerous advertisements.
Therefore
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, online marketing becomes extremely successful
due to
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 the undeniable fact that online shopping encourages us to buy things that we do not need. To exemplify, producers choose to advertise their products through the internet which is the
media
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 reached by millions of
people
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 within a few seconds. It is the best way used to communicate with their consumers.
Furthermore
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, more social attention can be paid to the products when talked about by a famous person.
This
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 tie-in persuades those following them to make
a
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apply
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consumption.
On the other hand
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, some advertisements advertised in traditional
strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
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 that had been widely used in the past are considered unattractive.
Thus
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,
people
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 pay little attention to it.
For example
Linking Words
, It’s harder for customers to see any advertisements posted on the
media
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 costing them a financial obstacle
such
Linking Words
 as
Magazine
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magazines
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 than the
media
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 which is totally free to use like
internet
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the internet
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.
Moreover
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,
although
Linking Words
advertisement
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the advertisement
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 is
one
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 of the first priorities of making
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the decision
a decision
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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of
Change preposition
for
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 customers because it is the first step
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 introducing what they want to sell to the public,
price
Correct article usage
the price
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 and quality of goods and services are,
nevertheless
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, still
one
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 of
basic
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the basic
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 factors affecting purchasing.
To conclude
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, despite
importance
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the importance
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 of advertisement
at
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in
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 persuading
client
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clients
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,
price
Correct article usage
the price
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 and quality of goods and services are, as well,
one
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 of the factors leading to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
complete purchase.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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