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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #meat #health
In today's world, a large number of people are moving towards
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
instead
 of
meat
, after considering some detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of red
meat
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
health
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I believe that
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
 should be preferred by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
instead
 of
meat
.
To begin
 with, there are many people who believe that
meat
Correct article usage
a meat
show examples
diet
 is better
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 compared
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vegetables
Change the noun form
vegetable
show examples
diet
.
Meat
is enrich
Change the verb form
is enriched
is enriching
show examples
 with protein, iron, and vitamins
whereas
 people have to go for eat a lot of different
vegetables
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 all of
these nutrition
Change the determiner
this nutrition
show examples
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, in recent years a team of
health
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 monitored the effect
both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
 diets on two different
body builders
Correct your spelling
bodybuilders
show examples
. The ones who preferred non
vegetarian
Correct your spelling
non-vegetarian
show examples
diet
, had shown faster gains more changes in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 muscle growth shape than
vegetarian
Correct article usage
the vegetarian
show examples
 one.
Therefore
,
meat
Correct article usage
a meat
show examples
diet
 is better than
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
 in terms of getting more nutrition. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, having
meat
Correct article usage
a meat
show examples
diet
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis has some risks to
health
. First and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost, eating
meat
 can cause diabetes, cardiovascular disease and
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 type of cancer.
HOwever
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
,
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
the vegetarian
show examples
diet
 is free from all these threats. For
cite
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, recent
health
 studies have concluded that more than 30% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 who are dependent on
meat
Add an article
a meat
show examples
diet
, have
attained
Verb problem
apply
show examples
health
 problems some issues
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 diabetes, and certain
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
cancer
Change preposition
of cancer
show examples
.
Moreover
, eating
vegetables
instead
 of
meat
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 blood circulation,
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 good fibers that fulfill the
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 needs.
In addition
 to
this
,
vegetable
Correct article usage
a vegetable
show examples
diet
 is cheaper having less effect on global warming as
meat
 needs more water and
food
 for livestock.
Hence
, vegetarian
food
 is not only healthy but
also
 gives numerous benefits to the body. In conclusion,
although
meat
Correct article usage
a meat
show examples
diet
 is
rich
Correct word choice
richer
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 protein and other minerals than
vegetarian
Add an article
a vegetarian
show examples
diet
, vegetarian
food
free
Add a missing verb
is free
show examples
 from diseases. In
opinion
Correct pronoun usage
my opinion
show examples
, one should go for
vegetables
Change the noun form
vegetable
show examples
food
 rather than
meat
 which can cause some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
.
Submitted by samverma9030 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clarity. It fails to fully develop and support the main points. The relevant examples provided are not effectively linked to the main argument. The overall response needs to demonstrate a clearer and more direct focus on the prompt and a stronger connection between the ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits a limited logical structure, with a lack of clear progression from one idea to the next. The introduction and conclusion need further development and the main points require better organization. Clear topic sentences and cohesive devices can improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

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