Some people say that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, because of
competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in sense of everything, parents teach their
childs
Correct your spelling
children

It appears that the noun childs is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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to be more
competive
Correct your spelling
competitive

If you don’t want competive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that kids should know how to cooperate with
others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In
Change preposition
As

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a matter of
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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experiences, they want to prevent their children from difficult situations that they had before. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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went through
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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many situations in their
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
education
Correct word choice
and education

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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period, where they might
were
Change the verb form
be

The verb were after the modal verb might does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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felt
competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with
others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which was difficult for them.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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on their career path, office workers always
trying
Wrong verb form
try

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb trying. Consider changing it.

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to be
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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first place in terms of awards
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions

It seems that competition may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with their colleges. It needs to be strong in
mentality
Replace the word
mental

The word mentality doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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health to not worry deeply about it.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, elder inhabitants teach develop in their kids
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
competiion
Correct your spelling
competition

If you don’t want competiion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, that it is good to know how to be in it.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

believe that always trying to be the best is not important,
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

better to cooperate with
others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as one team from childhood.
Following
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they
telling
Wrong verb form
tell

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb telling. Consider changing it.

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to
young
Add an article
the young
a young

The noun phrase young generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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generation that
power
Correct article usage
the power

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of group
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can give more
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength

If you don’t want strenght to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to achieve the goal.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, now
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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employees valuable more soft skills of their employers, because they
now
Correct your spelling
know

The word now doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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that
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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environment at
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is a key
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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success for
company
Add an article
the company

The noun phrase company seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.
By contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are teaching
childrens
Correct your spelling
children

It appears that the noun childrens is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

show examples
to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

together by helping each other.
To
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
conclusion, I suggest that in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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center
Change the spelling
centre

The spelling of center is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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parents think that
z
Correct article usage
the z

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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generation should know what is
competition
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that teaching
childrens
Correct your spelling
children

If you don’t want childrens to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

together is more important.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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