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Band 4.5

Some people say that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

#people #competition #children
Nowadays, because of
competition
 in sense of everything, parents teach their
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to be more
competive
Correct your spelling
competitive
,
while
others
 think that kids should know how to cooperate with
others
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
 a matter of
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 experiences, they want to prevent their children from difficult situations that they had before. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went through
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many situations in their
work
,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
 period, where they might
were
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 felt
competition
 with
others
 which was difficult for them.
For instance
, to get
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
 on their career path, office workers always
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 first place in terms of awards
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 with their colleges. It needs to be strong in
mentality
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 health to not worry deeply about it.
Therefore
, elder inhabitants teach develop in their kids
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of
competiion
Correct your spelling
competition
, that it is good to know how to be in it.
However
,
others
 believe that always trying to be the best is not important,
that is
 better to cooperate with
others
 as one team from childhood.
Following
this
, they
telling
Wrong verb form
tell
show examples
 to
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
 generation that
power
Correct article usage
the power
show examples
 of group
work
 can give more
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 to achieve the goal.
For example
, now
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees valuable more soft skills of their employers, because they
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 that
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
show examples
 environment at
work
 is a key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 success for
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
.
By contrast
, they are teaching
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to
work
 together by helping each other.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, I suggest that in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 parents think that
z
Correct article usage
the z
show examples
generation should know what is
competition
,
while
others
 think that teaching
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 to
work
 together is more important.
Submitted by zarina.dalabayeva on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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