IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governtments should invest funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governtments #funds #services
It has been a questionable issue that
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money, regarding the existence of several other public needs. I extend my support
due to
 the fact that
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 still has urgent
necessary
Replace the word
necessities
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 which have to be fulfilled
such
 as health and
education
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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 rather than entertainment concerns.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 some countries,
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 sector
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for the biggest source of income, accompanying tourism. Departing from that, other nations start to intensively develop that interest as well by raising the level of finance allocation on it. Regrettably, in many developing countries,
this
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 is less to be
Add an article
a success
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
. The underlying reason for that case is inequality in the development of other aspects that indeed contribute to the economic cycle,
such
 as health and
education
. Collective physical condition is now important more than ever to be maintained since its key role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the execution of economical activities. To exemplify, the pandemic has at several times isolated people and from that, limited economic
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
.
Subsequently
,
education
 is an aspect that
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to be improved before the artistic one. It is issued by the fact that compared to those
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
uneducated
Add a missing verb
are uneducated
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, well-educated people have
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 ability to manage their assets, unexceptionally,
nation's
Change the noun form
nations
nation
show examples
.
This
 fundamental basis needs to be established
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place, remembering that government definitely wants to sustain the investment. To summarize,
due to
 health and
education
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the bigger needs
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
encountered by
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 rather than arts, music and theatre, it is readily evident that enforcement to develop those entertainment aspects will be just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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