IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

#schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development
Numerous schools have recently profited from selling
junk
food
 and drink with sugar, which is unhealthy, aimed at
students
 who have rest after lunch.
This
 case is twofold: positiveness and negativeness. In
this
 essay, there are both sides of the description in detail.
Firstly
, an increasing number of schools are selling much unhealthy
food
 and gaining profits simultaneously.
For instance
, as parents have seen, there are massive amounts of fried chicken, hamburgers, and soft
drinks
 bought by young
students
 who are still studying and having lunch breaks at
school
.
Due to
students
' welcome, all those
junk
 foods have sold out daily.
This
 business is quite profitable to schools, no matter where they locate, as long as they continue for sale.
On the other hand
, with increasing health problems, more and more
students
 have to stop their curriculum because of severe illness caused by
junk
food
 and sugary
drinks
.
For instance
, over-eating
junk
 foods and sweet beverages could lead to diseases
such
 as high blood pressure, heart attack, lower eye vision, obesity, and so on.
Additionally
,
this
 situation has paid great attention to doctors, scientists, and socialists. They would connect and launch an activity to discourage unhealthy
food
 and sugary
drinks
 as soon as possible to reduce the harm to
school
 girls and boys.
However
, the vast economic attraction and high profits are resisting sustainable development of
school
 lunch quality, even in the
food
 industry. Without a good solution, pushing forward to supply healthy
food
 and
drinks
 at
school
 is difficult. In the long-term development of student health, I believe that the authorities have to release a policy and solution to encourage more diet providers and
food
 manufacturers to produce suitable
food
 and
drinks
 for the perfect growth of
students
 and to protect their health during studying.
Hence
,
students
 could concentrate and contribute their hard work to serve society well eventually.
Submitted by jackson.lingua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: