IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #hunger #food #aid
There has been a significant
divirgence
Correct your spelling
divergence
 of opinion revolving
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the effectiveness of different approaches towards hunger.Nowadays, it is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 belief that
food
 aid plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in tackling hunger whilst others support
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea that educated
people
suffer
Add the particle
to suffer
show examples
 less it. As far as I am
concered
Correct your spelling
concerned
, I definitely advocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education as a key to starvation. The essay will discuss both sides of view. On the one hand, feeding
people
 in need directly seems to be reasonable. Obviously, in short term it benefits both sides, those who provide and those who receive. By
this
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean, that
food
 provider exposes generosity to the world. As
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
 useful to or accepted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is one of the most dominant
instinct
Change to a plural noun
instincts
show examples
 for all human beings, there is
multitude
Add an article
a multitude
the multitude
show examples
 of
food
 aid supporters.
However
, as was mentioned previously,
this
 is
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 and cannot be considered as principal in settling the issue down. To illustrate,
food
 is needed on daily basis
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and providing it
continuosly reguires
Correct your spelling
continuously requires
 perpetual efforts.
In contrast
, focusing on education allows starving
people
change
Fix the infinitive
to change
show examples
 their level of life significantly and forever.
In other words
, the more
knowledge
Replace the word
knowledgeable
show examples
 person
acquire
Change the verb form
acquires
show examples
, the less dependable he becomes.
Moreover
, once
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
achives
Correct your spelling
achieves
archives
 financial independence, he gains the ability to influence his community.
For instance
, the numerous
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
universities offer special scholarships provided by reach
people
 for
talanted
Correct your spelling
talented
 youth. Undoubtedly, education is
unchallenged
Add an article
an unchallenged
the unchallenged
show examples
 approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 tackling hunger. It allows the
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
transform
Fix the infinitive
to transform
show examples
 from addicted to others' help to independent citizens responsible for the life of their communities.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: