IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

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A variety of social
media
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 is developing faster and faster. Before decades ago,
people
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cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
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 imagine that Facebook, Instagram or Twitter
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 becoming important things in life. Some
people
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 believe that social
media
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 disadvantages for young
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 think social
media
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 is a tool which benefits connecting with each other. In my point of view, it certainly is a useful way to build relationships but it has a demerit on our society. The young generation constantly chats with classmates, friends and family via social
media
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. There is an invisible Internet community
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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built by them. They create various types of activity online
while
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 social
media
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 is a convenient way to talk to each
.
Correct word choice
other.
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In other words
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, it can minimize the problem of communication.
For example
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,
people
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 can use Zoom, an app designed for the purpose of the meeting, regardless of where you are and what time it is.
However
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,
people
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 spend more time than expected on social
media
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. Without guidance from parents and teachers, children are easy to be mean to each other.
Bully
Fix the agreement mistake
Bullying
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 is happening every day in school, playgrounds and even on the Internet.
Furthermore
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, a face-to-face connection is essential for all of us. Without intimacy, in reality,
people
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 might get used to it when
people
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 give you a cold shoulder. Intimacy can be replaced by technology. Take me as an example, when I was a kid, I
am
Wrong verb form
was
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 eager to have friends, but most of them see smartphones as friends. It broke my heart. In conclusion, social
media
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 has its advantages,
such
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 as
people
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 can
easy to
Replace the word
easily
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 talk to others online no matter where and when. But I still believe that it is harmful to young
people
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 since strong
connection
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connections
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 build on reality.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas, and the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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