Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

A variety of social
media
is developing faster and faster. Before decades ago,
people
cannot
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could not
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imagine that Facebook, Instagram or Twitter
are
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were
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becoming important things in life. Some
people
believe that social
media
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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disadvantages for young
people
.
On the other hand
, some
people
think social
media
is a tool which benefits connecting with each other. In my point of view, it certainly is a useful way to build relationships but it has a demerit on our society. The young generation constantly chats with classmates, friends and family via social
media
. There is an invisible Internet community
is
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apply
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built by them. They create various types of activity online
while
social
media
is a convenient way to talk to each
.
Correct word choice
other.
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In other words
, it can minimize the problem of communication.
For example
,
people
can use Zoom, an app designed for the purpose of the meeting, regardless of where you are and what time it is.
However
,
people
spend more time than expected on social
media
. Without guidance from parents and teachers, children are easy to be mean to each other.
Bully
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Bullying
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is happening every day in school, playgrounds and even on the Internet.
Furthermore
, a face-to-face connection is essential for all of us. Without intimacy, in reality,
people
might get used to it when
people
give you a cold shoulder. Intimacy can be replaced by technology. Take me as an example, when I was a kid, I
am
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was
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eager to have friends, but most of them see smartphones as friends. It broke my heart. In conclusion, social
media
has its advantages,
such
as
people
can
easy to
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easily
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talk to others online no matter where and when. But I still believe that it is harmful to young
people
since strong
connection
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connections
show examples
build on reality.
Submitted by blair.chang975640 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas, and the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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