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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
As we know well, the number of adolescents that go to academies is increasing day by day.
Nevertheless
, it’s argued that the only goal of the educational institution is to help their degree holders to achieve a better position
while
 others believe there are plenty of advantages of academic education for both people and society. it is certainly true that one of the main goals of the
university
 is to secure a better job.
Also
, the majority of people use academic institutes as an elevator that speeds up their qualifications to be potential employees.
Moreover
, career prospect is one of the biggest factors to appoint a raking which is the list of top 100 universities in the world.
For instance
, the statistical community has reported that alumni from Harward have a higher chance of 95% receiving a job offer than a common
university
.
Nonetheless
, there are enormous benefits for both individuals and the public. First and foremost, students are able to expand their circle of the community by meeting various kinds of interesting people and developing their social skills.
As a result
, their maturity and confidence will grow to enable them to live more fulfilling lives.
Secondly
, society will gain from the contribution that higher
educated
Correct your spelling
higher-educated
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 graduates. Most of the
scientific
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apply
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noble prize
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Nobel Prize
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 winners who got their professional degrees from the
University
 have been representing their own country
while
 giving inspiration to younger generations. In conclusion, I believe that even though the main aim of
university
 education is to get a job, there are clearly many advantages. If we continue to promote and encourage
university
 attendance, it will lead to a better future for individuals and the nation.
Submitted by nominotgonbayar1 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively structured and developed. The main points are supported adequately, but the ideas could be more coherent and cohesive overall.
task achievement
Sufficient response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. Relevant examples are given, but more focus on the wider benefits of university education is needed to fully address the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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