Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society

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As we know well, the number of adolescents that go to academies is increasing day by day.

Nevertheless

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, it’s argued that the only goal of the educational institution is to help their degree holders to achieve a better position

while

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others believe there are plenty of advantages of academic education for both people and society. it is certainly true that one of the main goals of the

university

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is to secure a better job.

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, the majority of people use academic institutes as an elevator that speeds up their qualifications to be potential employees.

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, career prospect is one of the biggest factors to appoint a raking which is the list of top 100 universities in the world.

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, the statistical community has reported that alumni from Harward have a higher chance of 95% receiving a job offer than a common

university

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Nonetheless

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, there are enormous benefits for both individuals and the public. First and foremost, students are able to expand their circle of the community by meeting various kinds of interesting people and developing their social skills.

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, their maturity and confidence will grow to enable them to live more fulfilling lives.

Secondly

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, society will gain from the contribution that higher

educated

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higher-educated

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graduates. Most of the

scientific

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apply

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noble prize

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Nobel Prize

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winners who got their professional degrees from the

University

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have been representing their own country

while

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giving inspiration to younger generations. In conclusion, I believe that even though the main aim of

university

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education is to get a job, there are clearly many advantages. If we continue to promote and encourage

university

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attendance, it will lead to a better future for individuals and the nation.

Submitted by nominotgonbayar1 on Sat Feb 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively structured and developed. The main points are supported adequately, but the ideas could be more coherent and cohesive overall.

task achievement

Sufficient response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. Relevant examples are given, but more focus on the wider benefits of university education is needed to fully address the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today, more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate so people are losing the ability to have face-to-face conversations, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that sports are important for personal development, while others believe that they are just a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion