IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Due to many young people dropping out from schools , the rate of unemployment is increasing and it effects our society in different ways . In your opinion , how can this situation be improved.

#people #schools #rate #unemployment #effects #society #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, a lot of youngsters tend to stop coming to school which cause the highest rate of jobless individual that contributes to negative situations in society. In my ,opinion
education
 is the foundation of the new generation not only for young people but
also
 for the next generation to come. It is undoubtedly true that in the first century,century
education
 is not as important as now,
education
 during that time is only for the high society and mostly for the man as they believed that women are only made to support and follow their husbands,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 time passes and they discovered that
education
 is for everyone wherein women are not designed to do household or house chores only. There are a quite number of reasons why young people tend to drop out of school,
firstly
, lack of financial support for the tuition fee.
Secondly
, family problems because of traditions or beliefs. for ,example at the age of ,15 a teenage girl needs to marry a 21-year-old boy.
Thirdly
, circle of friends if young people chose the wrong circle of friends it will lead to an experimental stage,
such
 as smoking, drinking, gambling and becoming teenage parents. Both parents and the government have something to do with
this
. Parents should teach their child to be responsible
furthermore
, providing for their needs not only financially but emotionally are a big factor. The government should build more and more free schools for those who can't afford them yet and would like to attend the school
in addition
, the government should offer more scholarships. In conclusion, children are the hope of our next generation, teaching and nurturing them well, and having a good
education
 at a young age will help them to conquer the world.
Submitted by miemieperez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: