Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?
Modern lifestyle has changed drastically over the
last
twenty years as a result
of the extreme popularity of social networks. Though sharing personal photos and videos is great fun, it can be quite dangerous as well. Despite the serious drawbacks of using social media
, in my ,opinion there are much more benefits.
Surfing on the Internet is definitely a risky activity due to
a great number of impostors who have the necessary skills and technology to steal personal information such
as passwords or credit card numbers. Social media
is a perfect platform for digital crimes. For example
, an individual that
is sharing his pictures from the airport heading on vacation exposes lots of facts about himself which can attract criminals. The burglar Correct pronoun usage
who
that
has followed him on Facebook or Instagram and has his address, which is easy to find if the user doesn't turn the geolocation function off on his device, knows that Correct pronoun usage
who
this
is a perfect moment to break into his house. Another issue that must concern social media
users is children's safety. Posting the kid's photographs, pinning locations and sharing plans could be perfect instruction for kidnappers.
In spite of the fact that posting information on the Internet can be extremely dangerous, there are ways to protect oneself such
as hiding geolocation or carefully choosing which picture to share. In return one can get numerous advantages from social networks as they are a great source of information in lots of spheres: you can be a part of any community you like, keep in touch with your friends and relatives, buy and sell things, read the latest news, or learn about the courses that will help you to grow professionally.
To sum up
, I strongly believe that the pros of social media
outnumber its cons and if the person knows how to use it wisely he can undoubtedly succeed and benefit from it.Submitted by victoria on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good attempt at structuring the argument with an introduction and conclusion. However, you could improve the logical structure by making smoother transitions between ideas and ensuring there is a clear progression from one point to the next. Some paragraphs lack these cohesive devices, which can lead to a disjointed reading experience.
coherence cohesion
The main points of the essay are supported, but you could strengthen your argument by expanding on these points with more varied and detailed examples. Also, consider balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly to fully address the essay question.
task achievement
Overall, you have responded to the task appropriately by providing a clear opinion and addressing both sides of the argument. However, to achieve a higher band, work on developing your ideas further and presenting a more in-depth analysis of the topic. Connecting your ideas more effectively and presenting a more balanced discussion will enhance the quality of your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.