Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Along with
the outstanding development of society, the
relationship
between
people
is more complicated than in the past. Some
people
argue that working not only helps earn money but
also
extends the
relationship
circle
while
some believe that developing
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
life with non-colleagues is better. In
this
essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and state my personal thinking.
To begin
with, it is obviously advantageous to get along well with co-workers,
Firstly
, under the circumstances of having a hard-working time, the co-workers are great
people
willing to give a hand. They are the nearest
people
knowing
Wrong verb form
who know
show examples
which tasks are stuck and may be possible to support.
Secondly
, developing social relationships with them may create a great understanding between each other,
such
as working styles, mindset and personal characteristics, which is helpful and beneficial ,particularly in group work or tasks requiring high engagement. The more cohesion
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
in the workplace, the greater performance is.
For instance
, Human Resource practitioners in organisations clearly understand the benefits of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
in the workplace they organise lots of in-door and out-door activities to engage employees. Those activities not only create a great and relaxing time for employees but
also
help employees expand their circle of relationships.
Consequently
, improving social life with partners in the company is
such
a great choice with having income and
also
having friends.
On the other hand
, there is no denying that it is
also
good when
making
Verb problem
having
show examples
a social life with non-colleagues.
Above all
, there is no conflict in benefits relating to work in the
relationship
. When it comes to benefits,
people
can become more selfish,
then
the
relationship
is
also
worse day by day, and it
broke
Wrong verb form
breaks
show examples
later.
People
tend to express themselves clearly with no fear of being taken advantage of, which is
such
a healthy
relationship
.
For example
, some
people
match in working styles but have conflicts of interest that
effecting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
negatively to their department, particularly in group performance.
For
this
reason, it is better to develop a social circle with
people
not working.
To sum up
, I support the fact that becoming an employee not only has income but
also
social relationships because of these prominent advantages.
Submitted by visible123 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and the essay follows a logical structure. However, there are some issues with supporting the main points effectively.
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