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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
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The figure shows the percentage regarding the number of
people
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 that
born
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were born
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 in
Australia
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 and outside
Australia
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 living in three different areas in 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
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 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
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 outside
Australia
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higher
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was higher
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 than
people
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 who
born
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were born
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 in
Australia
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 in 1995. Meanwhile, the percentage of
people
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 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
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 either outside or in
Australia
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has
Verb problem
was
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 in 2010 which approximately 95% in total. In 1995 and 2010, most
people
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 living in cities
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 born
in
Change preposition
apply
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outside
Australia
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 who live in towns slightly decreased both in 1995 and 2010.
People
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 who live in rural areas
is fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuates
fluctuated
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 wildly in 1995 and 2010, which is approximately 30%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 born in
Australia
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 and 40% born
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Australia
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 in 1995. In 2010,
people
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 who live in rural areas slightly decreased which is approximately 15%
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 born in
Australia
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 and 5%
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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